We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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