It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
