she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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