just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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