If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
