bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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