I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize