she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
