she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up under a house in Key West
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
