Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
