I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
