I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
