i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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