ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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