we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize