Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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