i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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