.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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