I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize