My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
