It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
