It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Watching her eat just hurts me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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