My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
