I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
