So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
