My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
