Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
