I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
