it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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