dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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