It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
