We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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