my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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