JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
