why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
