Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
