Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
