I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
