just come out here and I will go home with you...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
