I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
