ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
