She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize