He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
