My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize