left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
