The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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