I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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