K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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