feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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