my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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