It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
