its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
