Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
