Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
