At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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