I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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