Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
