Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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