Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
