So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
