But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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