I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
