You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
