Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
