you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
