i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
