you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
