at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
