Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
