So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
