There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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