I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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