I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
