please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
