The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize