u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
