I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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