I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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