dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
