worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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