someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
two words: eviction party
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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