why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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