Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
