Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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