my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
