He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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