Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
