I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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