I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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