i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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