I'm going to jail i love you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
