this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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