Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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