my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
