Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh god it's open bar.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
