yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
