worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize