God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
