Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
